Queens of Prince

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You (and Barstools comments)

1. Sick Buildings: We’re not even going to discuss how encrusted with germs your keyboard and desk phone are (we already wrote an entire separate article on that). But don’t worry, that’s just the beginning. They call it Sick Building Syndrome–that’s even what the EPA calls it.
2. Gadget Pollution: Did you ever notice that funny smell that comes from the photocopier? That’s ozone and the EPA warns that even inhaling small amounts can lead to “chest pain, coughing, shortness of breath and throat irritation.”
3. Lighting: Have you ever walked into your office (or a shopping mall) and blinked because it was actually brighter in there than outside in the sunlight? That’s due to an incredibly common problem called “over-illumination.”
4. Motivational Meetings: There’s only one small problem: In the end, somebody trying to force you into positive thinking will actually make you more depressed, and depending on the temperament of the person it can actually make them more likely to commit suicide.
5. Boredom: If you have a relatively stress-free job your heart rate is more likely to remain constant throughout the day. That might sound like a good thing but it means that when you heart is called on to actually work harder, say while exercising, it won’t be able to do its job as well and puts you at a much higher risk of a heart attack.
6. Sitting: It doesn’t matter if you spend a lot of time at the gym. If you sit the rest of the day you are still at a higher risk of heart disease and cancer than someone who stands on the job. In fact, on average you are less healthy than that guy even if he doesn’t work out.

Bahahaha! Man I can’t wait to show to this to my roommates. Hey Matt leave your paycheck out on the counter again bro. Let me see all those zeroes while I count the change in my Barstool envelope. Ask me if I want to go to Luger’s again for the 3rd time this week. I’ll just chuckle to myself and count down the hours until you drop dead under the disco ball while I’m posting up some Latin chick’s ass in a bikini.

I mean if you don’t think I started breaking down my super blogosphere setup the second I started reading this think again. Back down to 1 Macbook and a mouse. No gadget pollution here. Got the lights off too, blogging by candlelight like my forefathers. Boredom? I just read an article on Cracked, laughed, and got paid for it. Yeah I’m sitting a lot but this chair is about as fucking ergonomic as it gets. Contessa. Really great, mesh, high back swivel chair. Sick Building? Yeah right. I got a doorman AND a valet dude. What’s up. Oh and our Motivational Meetings are basically having Scott come in to the office and read us his resume. Gives us all a good laugh and makes us remember things could always be way worse. So enjoy your fancy paychecks and benefits and little offices and also enjoy dying, I’ll be blogging and beating off 4 times a day until I’m 85.

- BarstoolSports.com (Via someone who shall remain annonymous)